I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
