After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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