3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
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