OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Randomize
