Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
