I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Randomize
