I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I just forgot I was standing up.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
