My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Randomize
