Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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