did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
