Well douche your snatch and let's go!
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Randomize
