I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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