So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
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