I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
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I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
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It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.