just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
29 Shocking Confessions That People Thought Were A Joke
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
These 23 Groupies Had The Most Insane Sexual Experiences With Celebs
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you