Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
29 Of The Most Hilarious And Embarrassing Walks Of Shame Ever
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
These 23 Dudes Get Giddy From Dem Titties
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.