some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
25 Facts Men Don’t Know About Women Until They Live Together
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza