Texts From Last Night

• Favorite

  (216): View more from Ohio

  when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account

  (1-216): View more from Ohio

  damn...impressive bar tab

  (216): View more from Ohio

  no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer

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  (216): when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account (1-216): damn...impressive bar tab (216): no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer http://tfl.nu/hyvf
  Replies (13) Good night (1326) Bad night (2027)
• Favorite

  (513): View more from Ohio

  Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.

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  (513): Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box. http://tfl.nu/uquv
  Replies (7) Good night (3373) Bad night (679)
• Favorite

  (484): View more from Pennsylvania

  Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry

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  (484): Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry http://tfl.nu/lyzu
  Replies (127) Good night (5238) Bad night (1161)
• Favorite

  (248): View more from Michigan

  he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.

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  (248): he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast. http://tfl.nu/sg9r
  Replies (32) Good night (1017) Bad night (7053)
• Favorite

  (317): View more from Indiana

  you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.

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  (317): you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american. http://tfl.nu/y2yd
  Replies (24) Good night (6542) Bad night (1276)
• Favorite

  (712): View more from Iowa

  Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.

  (714): View more from California

  Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."

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  (712): Doctor said I have sports induced asthma. (714): Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape." http://tfl.nu/hfcj
  Replies (37) Good night (10010) Bad night (1762)
• Favorite

  (682): View more from Texas

  Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.

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  (682): Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight. http://tfl.nu/gbse
  Replies (5) Good night (2598) Bad night (1120)
• Favorite

  (702): View more from Nevada

  you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes

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  (702): you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes http://tfl.nu/hymj
  Replies (8) Good night (698) Bad night (2008)
• Favorite

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.

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  (617): She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI. http://tfl.nu/ewv2
  Replies (6) Good night (1730) Bad night (535)
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times

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  (303): It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times http://tfl.nu/7i49
  Replies (5) Good night (1821) Bad night (535)
• Favorite

  (403): View more from Alberta, CA

  If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew

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  (403): If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew http://tfl.nu/ebug
  Replies (3) Good night (1180) Bad night (424)
• Favorite

  (615): View more from Tennessee

  I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.

  (1-615): View more from Tennessee

  Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?

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  (615): I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend. (1-615): Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist? http://tfl.nu/x9n9
  Replies (5) Good night (723) Bad night (465)
• Favorite

  (201): View more from New Jersey

  i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow

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  (201): i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow http://tfl.nu/q6h5
  Replies (2) Good night (562) Bad night (257)
• Favorite

  (562): View more from California

  I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.

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  (562): I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk. http://tfl.nu/qs07
  Replies (0) Good night (607) Bad night (252)
• Favorite

  (818): View more from California

  the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.

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  (818): the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after. http://tfl.nu/qgkf
  Replies (4) Good night (348) Bad night (546)

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