Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
