direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
