She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
