you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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