Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Randomize
