he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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