can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
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