Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
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