Betty ford says i'm here all night
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
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