Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
