If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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