I hate your face
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
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