Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
