you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Randomize
