I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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