This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
