i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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