I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
