Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
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I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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