he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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