Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
