So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Randomize
