I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
