Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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