if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Randomize
