You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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