Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
