4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Randomize
