barbara walters just said penis...
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
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