I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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