The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
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