All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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