The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
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