yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Randomize
