I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
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