i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
No more Irish car bombs ever.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Randomize
