Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
