she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
