Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
did i walk over a car last night?
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
