I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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