On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
