so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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