please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
