Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
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