I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?