Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me