I think I won the penis lottery.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.