where am i from again
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
27 Common Occurrences Everyone Can Relate To But No One Talks About
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
21 People Intentionally Did Despicable Things During Sex
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.