what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic