Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
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Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
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I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"