Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Randomize
