Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
