The answer is no. Its an illegal search n seizure!
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
