grandma shit on top of the toilet
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
