All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
