Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
