I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
